I wear You to forget
Kelsey Bigelow
The longer it’s been
the less I know You
and about six feet down my core
this is an intentional forgetting
because it’s easier to enjoy my days
if I forget I don’t have a mother
I wear You around my neck
to remind myself
that Your favorite color and birthstone
were both emerald
You loved Mother’s Day
more than Your wedding
and that it’s okay to enjoy my days again
as Your memories clear
to make room for life after You
See
I wear You
so I’m allowed to forget
To create the myth
that You were never here
letting the messiness of grief
attempt a separation between
the desire to forget and the desire to remember
because the longer it’s been
the less I know You
and it’s easier to enjoy my days
if I forget I don’t have a mother
At least Your symbol is real
while I wonder if I ever actually had a mother
If I did
I’d remember the sound of her off-key karaoke
and her short arms would be more than picture hugs
I wear You around my neck
to remember to forget
that I don’t have a mother
and it’s okay that the longer it’s been
the less I know You
Kelsey Bigelow is a professional poet who graduated from UW-Platteville in 2017. She has since self-published her debut chapbook, Sprig of Lilac, in 2018, released a spoken word album, Depression Holders and Secret Keepers, in 2021, and has been published in Backchannels Journal and Z Publishing House. Find Kelsey: kelkaybpoetry.com
Jesse Lee Kercheval is a writer, translator, and graphic artist. Her recent books include the short story collection Underground Women and La crisis es el cuerpo, a bilingual edition of her poetry, translated by Ezequiel Zaidenwerg, published in Argentina by Editorial Bajo la luna. Her recent graphic narratives, comics and art have appeared in Waxwing, The Quarantine Public Library, On the Seawall, Sweet Lit, and New Letters.